I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
