Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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