new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
