Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize