I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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