Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
