I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
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