i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
