Your dad touched me again.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
