Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
