do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
