5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
