I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
