how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Randomize
