Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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