her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
