i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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