ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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