We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize