she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize