i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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