Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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