i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
