And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
