I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
