I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I am one with the molecules
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize