life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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