Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
