bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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