its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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