I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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