so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
