Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize