I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
