Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
