i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
