You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
