I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
