All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm passing your future prison.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
