best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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