They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
