I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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