The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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