dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
