Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
