Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
