let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
