Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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