Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
