Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
