Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
