Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
