I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
