it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
