Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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