My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize