he wants to bone in the snuggie
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
