he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
