Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
