I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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