Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
