Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
