It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
