why didn't you poke me back
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
