I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
