I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
