I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
