okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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