Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
