Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
BRING THE BAGELS
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
