Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
