i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
