There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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