Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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