he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
