I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
