I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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