Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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