There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
