its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
