One girl and one boy is just not enough.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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