..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
