She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
