just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
