i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
