she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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