Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize