I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
