woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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