Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
