you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
