I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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