I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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