My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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