She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
