the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
