Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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