Where is the hickey?
false alarm. still invincible.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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