his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
