So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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