I feel like I'm in dance class right now
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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