hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
