Im at strip club and am horny
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
