White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize