i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
